A perfect moment

Clouds spreading all over the sky. Trees in a perfect harmony with the surroundings. And there we were sitting under a tree with our backs against each other. Talking about random things, gazing around and ofcourse a few stolen glances. It was a perfect moment.  There wasn’t much more to it, just peace and calmness.  My sweet little still moments. It was a moment that defined friendship & true love.

Winters and its warm effects on me!

“Early morning, what has happened?
Don’t know why I feel like im walking in air
New morning, new place
I feel like I am taking new directions in a different way.
Have I started to view things differently?
Or has the scenery before my eyes changed?
Or am i really walking the dreams I dreamt?
Early morning, what has happened?
Don’t know why I feel like im walking in air
New morning, new place
Looking at things with a fresh new approach
These humming clouds, the smiling breeze
Im walking with the world indeed
Whatever is in now, simply live it
Whatever you had has been lived, the intoxication has been consumed
And tommorrow’s intoxication is eagerly waiting for you, don’t waste it
So drink in every moment and fulfill your heart
Early morning, what has happened?
Don’t know why I feel like im walking in air
New morning, new air
Taking new directions in a different way
Early morning, what has happened?
Don’t know why I feel like im walking in air
New morning, new place
Taking new directions in a different way
These humming clouds, the smiling breeze
I am indeed walking with the world now…”

It’s an all time favourite  song in my language. A kind of loose translation but it speaks for itself.

So its winters and I am in my happy mode. I am more cheerful than needed. I am more hopeful than ever. I love winters and the fact of getting up early and enjoying sometime for myself.
It feels good, this phase. It feels you are untouchable by anything below happiness. I feel very impulsive at this phase that I am ready to do anything that I usually would hesitate to do so.

My very good best friend has left and she’ll be missed but for the first im not miserable cuz its all cloudy and cool out here.

Funny thing I don’t need hot coffee or hot tea to open up my eyes during winters. The fact that its gonna be cloudy the moment I set my eyes on my bedroom window is enough to boost me up! Two hours on the highway with my iPod while i stare at the clouds and its cool shade on the road…sigh…wow!

 And finally from tommorrow my uni has started so I just can’t wait to get back and live a normal life! Cheers! And Oh its snowing in houston! HA! The world is going crazy aint it? But I still prefer middle east winters, they always take you by surprise after long hot summers!

A few words of discouragement.

When the world doesnt have faith in you, it’s justifiable. But when your own family does the same it can never be justified. When you’re on to do something you really need some kind of support. I am not asking for an inspirational speech or something dramatic. A simple “yes you can” or even an appreciative nod can be really helpful. But when you get words of discouragement, it’s a sign that you might as well give up hope from your family. I mean isn’t it strange that the only people who SHOULD believe in you and HAVE faith in you, are the ones who discourage you? Very strange.

My dad, the man whom I was once very close to, just said it on my face that you can’t put together these blocks. At first I didn’t react cuz i was so engrossed into putting them together. But then everytime he saw me he said the same..and told me to give up. Finally i asked why!? He said well if I can’t do it then I doubt you would be able to do so.

Now I know that its just pieces of blocks and I shouldnt fret about them. But the man who is even going to discourage with such confidence, I doubt he is gonna support me at even harder times. This is like a warning sign to me. At first he never used to applaud at my successes and now he has started to discourage me on my face!

I mean for cryin out loud he even dismissed the part that I met successful people like Richard branson n bill gates. He goes like, “Oh well you must have seen them 4 feet away.” I replied, “Er…no I met them got to even talk to few of them including Ricahard branson and gates!” He goes like, “Hmm…well I doubt that.” And he continued with his stuff. I just stood there staring at him with disbelief. Doesn’t he believe me or doesn’t he believe in what he taught me or how he brought me up.

So what do you do when you family discourages you? You turn their discouragement into encouragement to shut them up. If they say, “you can’t do it.” You DO IT! If they say “You can’t have it.” You have it! {But don’t go over with it}. If they say, “You can’t be“. Then be. My point is that these few words of discouragement grow paler next to your committed actions. So let the world {including your family} suck up all they can but you do what you have to. 

 

The F1 Experience.

So I almost gave up on this blog cuz lots of things happening simultaneously…but I am back cuz I love writing. I express myself much better while I write than when I speak. So much has been happening…

I am very impulsive and so far its been working great for me. It’s funny how you attract things in your life. I always thought to myself that attending F1 is way outta my league cuz they were charging crazy! SO howd I got in? I got a 2 day job there. I was suppose to work at VIP section n attend to VIP guests. Not as in sevring them…naa I was suppose to just stand there and see things were going fine. Nothing funny happening. And these 2 days were just…unbelievable. I was suppose to work for 12 hrs and these hours opened me up. I saw different things…met different people and got to talk to them. Made 3 german friends, one italian and another Irish friend. It was a strange experience but I realized the importance of language cuz knowing english doesnt help if the other person doesnt understand it. But somehow through broken english i met strange people and got to know their side of life.

I also got to meet Richard Branson…!!!! Saw bill gates…a no. of royal families and Deepika Padukone {Bollywood actress n damn she is tall!!}. But Richard branson…the guy i used to see on tv thousand miles away…and I met him. I just couldnt believe it and never imagined it. Poor guy had a fractured arm but I dun blame him cuz he does have a wild character so he is bound to have a fracture! BUT Last day I even got to hear Aerosmith playing live! ABOVE ALL I got to seee the race!!!!! hehehe! I love life and how its sweet to me…Mashallah!.. ..So i got to exprience all these and get paid in return…ya they paid me 450dh per day with 200 dhs extra.So overall I got paid $313. Haha…who is the sucker now F1!

Working at F1 also made me more polite cuz these 2 days all I had to do was be polite and now the smile is carved on my mouth. I just can’t believe it that one day I felt F1 was beyond my league and the next 2 days I ended meeting great people. Haha..funny how the universe works!

Oooh…by next years it’s my aim to learn german, italian and french so that I can communicate much better! Plus I love learning languages and Ill be able to flaunt it!

So the one piece of advice i can give from this experience?

“When you get an opportunity don’t think just jump in without hesitation…cuz trust me by the end of the day they’re worth remembering!” ..PEACE!

Beauty of Truth (Husn – e – Haqiqi)

 So I just came across one of the most profounding poetry ever. The poets name is Khwaja Ghulam Farid. Very well known from Indo-Pak area. The poetry is called Husn – e – Haqiqi i.e. Beauty of Truth. The poet is tryna give a name to the Universal truth. I believe he is trying to identify with the truth. Although the poetry is in my language but its so hard that I couldn’t have understood the 25% of the poetry without the translation. And for some reason this poet reminds me of Paulo Coelho’s book like Zahir, Alchemist… His books are majorly about Spirituality.

O’ Beauty of Truth, the Eternal Light!

Do I call you necessity and possibility,

Do I call you the ancient divinity,

The One, creation and the world,

Do I call you free and pure Being,

Or the apparent lord of all,

Do I call you the souls, the egos and the intellects,

The imbued manifest, and the imbued hidden,

The actual reality, the substance,

The word, the attribute and dignity,

Do I call you the variety, and the circumstance,

The demeanor, and the measure,

Do I call you the throne and the firmament,

And the demurring delights of Paradise,

Do I call you mineral and vegetable,

Do I call  you Animal and human,

Do I call you the mosque, the temple, the monastery,

The scriptures, the Quran,

The rosary, the girdle,

Godlessness, and faith,

Do I call you the clouds, the flash, the thunder,

Lightning and the downpour,

Water and earth,

The gust and the inferno,

Do I call you Lakshmi, and Ram and lovely Sita,

Baldev, Shiv, Nand, and Krishna,

Brahma, Vishnu and Ganesh,

Mahadev and Bhagvaan,

Do I call you the Gita, the Granth, and the Ved,

Knowledge and the unknowable,

Do I call you Abraham, Eve and Seth,

Noah and the deluge,

Abraham the friend, and Moses son of Amran,

And Ahmad the glorious, darling of every heart,

Do I call you the witness, the Lord, or Hejaz,

The awakener, existence, or the point,

Do I call you admiration or prognosis,

Nymph, fairy, and the young lad,

The tip and the nip,

And the redness of betel leaves,

The Tabla and Tanpura,

The drum, the notes and the improvisation,

Do I call you beauty and the fragrant flower,

Coyness and that amorous glance,

Do I call you Love and knowledge,

Superstition, belief, and conjecture,

The beauty of power, and conception,

Aptitude and ecstasy,

Do I call you intoxication and the drunk,

Amazement and the amazed,

Submission and the connection,

Compliance and Gnosticism,

Do I call you the Hyacinth, the Lilly, and the Cypress,

And the rebellious Narcissus,

The bereaved Tulip, the Rose garden, and the orchard,

Do I call you the dagger, the lance, and the rifle,

The hail, the bullet, the spear,

The arrows made of white poplar, and the bow,

The arrow-notch, and the arrowhead,

Do I call you colorless, and unparalleled,

Formless in every instant,

Glory and holiness,

Most glorious and most compassionate,

Repent now Farid forever!

For whatever I may say is less,

Do I call you the pure and the humane,

The Truth without trace or name.

Translation by Arieb Azhar

 

                            

Today I was who I was supposed to be…

Today I was better than others. Why? Because I believed in myself. Because I threw caution to the wind and took a risk. Somethings have to be done regardless of the consequences. Sometimes the consequences don’t matter. Sometimes the consequence turn pale right next to the act of thrill. I didn’t care if I was gonna get busted. I just wanted to do it and I did. And I survived it. I took a chance and today I was better than others. Hell, I was better than myself.
I tore down the walls regardless of the risk/pleasure waiting ahead. And the scenery behind those walls was spectacular. I witnessed what others missed. But I wasn’t tryna compete with others at that time, at that moment. I just felt like going with my instinct and I am glad I did.

Partaaaaaaaaaay!

Ok…here’s a tip…if u wanna dance like crazy..u gotta warm up ur body 2 days b4. Cuz if u don’t ure gona end up like me in total pain and bad cramps! But the cramps were worth my every move! And I realized my guy needs some dancing lessons! …
And oh another tip…if u SERIOUSLY gonna dance like an insane person…avoid heels while doing so! Ouch..my ankles!

My best friend is in denial.

She asked me not to get mad after she confessed her inner feelings and it was the hardest thing to do ever after what she confessed. She is an amazing person…literally one of those friends who will stand up for you no matter what. She is hot and cute {I don’t know how the **** she manages that}. She is a bitch yet kind {Ya another special trait of hers}. And she scored the highest crushes in our university. All kind of guys {cute, hot, sensible, nerds, ugly – you name it} have tried to get to her. She is pretty famous in the university.

So when a bitch like her complains that she thinks she isn’t good enough…it pisses me off! I hate it when a person doesn’t know his or her worth. I have been there and so I know the loss. I was a person who was even scared to change clothes in front of a mirror because I hated myself looks wise. But only when I gained a little confidence that I realized the good years Ive wasted hating myself.

Anyway I listened patiently about her little worries and tried my ass off to convince her that it’s all in her head. It’s sad because she is an amazing person and she doesn’t know her worth. She’d be that kind of diamond who would auction herself with a starting price of $5 and that’s bad because people are gonna take you for the value you set. I just wish I couldve found powerful words to convince that it’s all in her head!

Its sad because she is actually the person who made me realize my worth and I think it’s time to return the favor. She is the person behind my success and that is for a fact. She is MY person and it surprisingly killed me that a person who gave me a new life is thinking like that. But I guess no matter how perfect you are, by the end of the day, you’re still a human. And no human is perfect. Each has an insecurity, a little worry that eats them off slowly. But since she saved me from myself…I ain’t gonna let her go on that path so easily! That’s a fuckin promise. God she can be annoying with her insecurities…

Yes I am a good friend but I can’t hear them bitch about themselves, especially the good ones!

Romantically Challenged.

So ive met my match and he loves me. I sometimes feel glad to have him because he is simply amazing! But here is a thing…life, world and universe follows the theory of balance. If there is good there has to be bad. If there is hell there is heaven and so on. My first real relationship is now my first real screw up! I was head over heels for him and he was an asshole. It wasn’t like he showed his colors afterwards. It’s just that I was so crazy about him that I had to have him and so I did and so I cried. My current guy isn’t an asshole but I am not head over heels for him as I was for my ex-bf. 

Champa is what every sane girl would want. He is not insecure, he is protective but not possessive, he’s wild yet at the same time has a soft side, he is amazing yet at the same time annoying and last but not the least he loves me as WHO I AM. I don’t have to spend endless hours setting my hair and face just to meet him for 5 mins. He has seen me during my worst hours and yet he is still here able to love me. And this is a relief.

But here is a problem…I can’t seem to get cosy with him that easily as i used to get with my previous guy. Maybe deep inside I don’t want to get head over heels again and fall flat on my face. Then I sometimes wonder maybe im not in love with him…maybe im with him because he has taken me for who i am. OR maybe I literally gave myself to my ex-bf, only to get broken from inside that now I can’t seem to get back to where I was. It’s the guilt of still falling for a jerk and I don’t wanna do the mistake although Champa aint one! So far he hasn’t complained…but I gotta keep my act together before I screw up. But it’s not like I aint romantic with him at all, it just it takes a bit more effort than before.

OR maybe for the first time in my life I am the girl in control and that’s how it’s suppose to feel. Whatever it is I hope he doesn’t get the vibe.

The Wrong People.

I am a human being and it’s my right to make mistakes. And this is a right I proudly take for granted. I have screwed up…made wrong choices and still doing the same. But not repeating, gladly.

Me and my friends were having a depression day, where we all sit and bitch about the people we hate in our lives. It was during that conversation where I realized that maybe there is a reason why we have wrong people in our lives. They are here to teach us a good lesson. They are here to make our lives hell so that we value the importance of peace and harmony within our lives. But most importantly I believe that sometimes we’ve got to meet the wrong people to know the right ones in our lives. That is the main reason they are here in our lives. And they won’t leave until we identify that one right person in our life.

So it’s good to have wrong people in your lives. In fact its healthy as long as they aren’t a threat to you physically. Well I am glad I still have some unbearable people in my life…this means each one of them is going to direct me to the right person. good for me. But I hope the sooner the better.